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 Although it may take men longer to “take the plunge,” statistics show that most men “do” get married, eventually. Sometimes they need a nudge, a wake-up call or some sort of epiphany to finally commit to it, but, in the end, most men are happier and live longer if they are married.
The independence that being single provides for a man, over time often leads to a lonely existence. Every single person has had the feeling, at times, that life seems to be set up for couples and families. Think about the last time you went out to eat by yourself or went alone to a movie?
Why, then, do men seem to fight marriage so much?
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Girls rock.
 Of course they do! You remember back when you were 12 or 13? Remember how much fun you had? You sang aloud to your Walkman and danced crazily around your room, shaking that moth-eaten feather boa your grandmother gave you and pretending you were a famous rock star. You posed for pictures with expressions of disdain or surprise or disgust, contorting your face and giggling all the time at how funny you thought the picture would turn out.
But girls grow up. They become women. They give the feather boa to Goodwill, only do karaoke when drunk, and dance in measured movements while looking at their feet.
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 I’d like to tell you a story. It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive man… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem.
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 I’ll admit, it’s unfair. When you’re young and beautiful and have the world at your feet, you have no clue what a good relationship looks and feels like. You haven’t made enough mistakes in life. You haven’t dated enough bad men, read enough good books, or listened to enough wise women to know what to look out for and what to avoid.
But as you get older - as you hit your 30s and beyond - wisdom begins to sink in.
I know so many twenty-something girls who get engaged to each and every one of their boyfriends. It’s almost as if they celebrate commitment with an engagement. They never get married, of course, but that’s not the point. The point is to show the ring off to all their friends and have an excuse that their parents will accept to move in with their boyfriend.
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Have you ever felt like your wellbeing depended on how a man was feeling and acting?
Where - if he’s upset, or cold, or moody, or even withdrawing from you or neglecting you because of his own “issues,” then you feel terrible?
I remember that this was what my entire love life was like - for most of my life.
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I love watching entertainment news, much to my partner’s disgust. He can’t understand why celebrity news interests anyone — much like I can’t understand why the rugby scores should be worth an hour’s worth of internet surfing every Sunday morning. But whatever: he can read his rugby blogs as long as he allows me to get my entertainment fix.
I caught a gem on the E channel last week. Debra Messing and Salma Hayek were on the red carpet with hairdresser Robert Vetica, who’s just written his own book - From Good to Great Hair: Celebrity Hairstyling Techniques Made Simple - featuring Salma on the cover. Debra Messing confided to the camera: “You know what the secret to great hair in Hollywood is? Don’t wash it.” Vetica had apparently taught Messing this simple principle. Now, Messing goes three days in between washes.
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Yep, I’m missing him.
My partner has just gone away for a week-long course, and I’m dealing with empty house syndrome. I don’t know how long-distance lovers do it. I’ve been tossing and turning every night in the empty bed, and time stretches by interminably in the evenings. I’m listening to Mexican band Maná sing “Sábanas Frías” and thinking, “That’s exactly my problem.”
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Hi, gals! Reina here.
Like most of you, I’ve been through the wringer when it comes to relationships. I’ve been engaged before, dated a lot of unsuitable men, fell in love with someone who didn’t fall in love with me, and so forth.
 Now I’m living with the perfect man. I know he’s perfect because I don’t have any doubts about our relationship. I have no doubts that we’ll stay together forever, grow old together, and still make each other laugh at 80.
We haven’t gotten married, but that isn’t the point. I’m sure there are more of a few of you out there who share my doubts about marriage being a fix-all for a relationship. It used to be that you got married to tell the world that your status had changed. You were no longer “Miss” but one half of a “Mr. and Mrs.” family unit. Everybody updated their address books …
…Only to get a call from you a few years later that the divorce was final and would they please refer to you by your maiden name again?
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My daughter was recently in her school’s performance of Fiddler On The Roof. She was one of the daughters. If you don’t know the story, it focuses on the changing culture of marriage, from one where the marriage is arranged by family and community to one based on mutual attraction.
In one of the songs, the main character asks his wife if she loves him. She replies that for 25 years, she has shared his bed, made his meals, tended his house, raised his children — so what kind of question is that? The point is that in their relationship, love wasn’t even a question or consideration. But after some back-and-forth, they decide that, indeed, they love each other.
This led me to think about what I know about marriage. And here is what I think about the question of love and marriage: we fall in love to get together, then spend the rest of our lives learning to love the other.
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Each year in America alone, nearly 1 million marriages end in divorce.This is an incredible number! That would be as if all the citizens of Houston Texas were divorced (each divorce leaves 2 people).
The question is how many of those marriages could be saved. Unfortunately, that is an invisible number. If your marriage stays together, it is hard to find in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off.
Can your marriage be saved? If I could answer that, I would be a wealthy man. I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.
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